The worst part about a traumatic experience, in my opinion, is that it seems impossible to let it go. Regardless of how long the actual instance occurred, your mind can make it seem as though it lasted for an eternity. Traumas can be terrible experiences. I have personally experienced many traumas in my life, most of them self-inflicted. Whether it be from alcohol and drug abuse, to other reckless and careless decision, I have memories in my mind that loop over and over. And over. Non-stop.
I ask God for forgiveness for my actions, but I think the issue is much bigger than God. I believe that I have to learn to change my overall state of mind. You see, I quickly made this about me because I feel as though my life is one big traumatic experience. I am a Veteran of 7 years, and 3 times in the past two years I have tried to commit suicide. Even as I type, I am on a Veteran Affairs campus for a rehabilitation program because of my own actions. I am in the process of seeking help, and changing my life forever.
I am on the road to happiness. I do not know if I will find happiness, but I will try my very best to discover the better, more meaningful parts of life. A life lived for the love of virtue, not for the love of lust and drugs and money. Pure bliss from the satisfaction of living to see another day, and not from, pardon me, wanting to do drugs and have sex.
But what I wanted to say is that if you are suffering from a traumatic event in your life, please seek help. There is help for you, in every shape and form. Even if you feel your actions carry too much weight, please seek help.
Myself, well, I have a tendency to look back at life and marvel at my own failures and shortcomings. These thoughts drive me to making more dumb decisions. I have learned that this is the way of life. Only once you overcome your own self-doubts and guilt, does one recognize that there is more to live for then just your old memories.
Learn to let go! Overcoming those tiresome days can be, and will be the most rewarding feeling in the world. Even though I am learning to do this myself (and probably not making much sense in the process), I have learned that the mind should not control you, but you should control your mind.
I used to think that we could “Free our mind” from captivity, as though it were enslaved. While this may be true, I believe it has more to do with putting forth the effort to letting go of the past, no matter the circumstances. Withdrawals will occur, just don’t let them control your life. Seek help when you can!